The demanding buyer
You know those times you want to buy something but you don’t really want to buy it so you’re lying to yourself thinking “I will buy this coffee machine when they make it in blue, with red dots and matching ceramic mugs. It’s exactly what I need” Never going to happen. You don’t want to buy it. You can wait till it wakes you up in the morning and brings you the coffee in bed if you want. You don’t want to buy that coffee machine. Close the window. Go to sleep. Stop lying to yourself.
The perfect life
Then there’s the aspiration purchase. The things you want to buy cause you want to start doing something you saw in a movie. “I want to buy this pan to make crepes on Saturdays when we relax on the sofa having coffee.” First of all, the one who makes the crepes, doesn’t relax unless they are actually in a movie. They are on the pan, watching the dough, making sure it’s out on time. Second of all, if you really have an uncontrollable urge to make crepes, you don’t need a special pan. Not all people have a special pan but they still make crepes. Move on. This pan is not for you. Also, you sound pathetic.
The e-shop gambler
I have this theory. If you wait long enough, the Sephora site will go up to 50% off and that’s when you’re going to go on there and finally buy all the products you’ve had in your basket for weeks. The beauty sites actually cause a domino effect. If one drops the prices, they all do. Like cheerleaders hating each other. It’s beautiful. Keep repeating the affirmation ‘I don’t need you; you need me. I have nothing to lose, I can wait forever’ It works, really. Eventually the prices do go down. It wasn’t you though, they would have done it regardless. Sorry to spoil the magic.
The influencer trap
My all-time favourite is the thing you think you want to buy cause someone else has it. You’ve watched that gorgeous vlogger put that honey oil on her hair one too many times and oh does she look good. Let’s clear the air here. Paying eighty dollars to get her hair oil is not automatically going to make you her. The oil, as expensive as it might be, will not give you the perfect body/house/lifestyle. It’s not the oil you want. So, stop eating those cookies at midnight and go run it off. Are you choosing to remember her perfect hair routine but intentionally forgetting she eats only kale? It’s all a lie! She’s not that happy either. And I’m sorry to break it to you but her products don’t deliver in your geography. See? Fundamentally wrong. Move on.
Dedicated to my mum who taught me to only buy pretty things. Happy Mother’s Day!